Asking for Help is a Sign of Strength

I used to believe asking for help meant I was weak. One day in the self-help section of a bookstore, I hid the very book I needed. That moment of shame revealed something deeper and it’s time we talk about it. You’re not broken. Let’s unpack this belief together.

I thought that asking for help was a sign of strength, but a huge weakness to be ashamed of. There was this particular time, I remember standing in the self-help section of the bookstore, heart racing, a book on emotional healing tucked tightly under my arm. I was just about to head to the checkout when I noticed someone walking toward me. Without even thinking, I panicked and slid the book onto a nearby shelf like I was hiding something shameful. Then I pretended to browse the cookbooks like that was my real reason for being there.

Once I got back to my car, I just sat there. Quiet. That familiar wave of shame hit me hard. Why did I do that? Why did it feel like I had to hide the fact that I wanted help, like it was some kind of dirty secret?

Perhaps you’ve felt it too. That moment of hesitation before mentioning you’re seeing a therapist. The tab you quickly close when someone walks into your office. The way you vaguely describe that personal development workshop as ‘just a conference for work.’ These are not just your struggles; they are shared by many. The little white lies we tell to hide the fact that we’re seeking help, guidance, or support.

Today, I want to talk about a belief that might be living beneath the surface of your life, one that whispers: ‘If you need self-help, it means you’re broken or weak.’ This is a belief that we’ve all encountered at some point. It’s a belief that keeps so many brilliant, capable women isolated in their struggles, convinced that needing support somehow diminishes their strength or reveals some fundamental flaw in who they are.

This episode isn’t about pushing a solution or forcing a mindset shift. It’s an invitation to pause with me and explore this terrain together—to shine a gentle light on a belief that might be creating unnecessary shame in your life. I hope that by the end of our time together, you’ll feel a sense of relief, clarity, and perhaps permission to honor your growth journey without the weight of judgment. I’ll also share some strategies that have helped me and others challenge this belief and embrace the support we need.

When Asking for Help Feels Like a Weakness, Not a Strength

Let me paint a picture of what this belief might look like in your daily life. You’re the woman who has it together—at least that’s what everyone thinks. You manage your home, career, children, or aging parents. You show up, get things done, and keep the plates spinning.

But there’s this inner world that few people see. A world of doubt, fear, and uncertainty that I’ve navigated through, just like you.

Maybe you’ve found yourself sitting in your car in the grocery store parking lot, taking just five extra minutes of solitude before heading home, thinking: “Why can’t I just get it together like everyone else?” You look around at other women who seem to navigate life with such ease, and you wonder what secret manual they received that somehow never made it to your mailbox.

You’ve thought about reaching out—maybe to a therapist, a coach, or even just picking up a book that addresses what you’re feeling—but something stops you. That something is often the voice that says, “I should be able to figure this out on my own. Everyone else does.”

You might find yourself whispering these thoughts in private moments:

“Get it together.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Everyone else handles more than you without complaining.”
“You should be past this by now.”

You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming

The weight of these thoughts isn’t just emotional—it shows up in your daily life in ways you might not even realize. In your marriage or relationships, you might avoid vulnerability or asking for support because deep down, you fear being seen as a burden. When parenting challenges arise, you push through instead of seeking resources or community, feeling pressure to model unwavering strength and hiding your stress.

In your career, you might be overworking to prove your worth and reluctant to invest in development opportunities because that would mean admitting there’s room for growth. Your health—especially your emotional health—often takes a backseat until physical symptoms force your attention.

This belief creates a particular kind of isolation. You maintain surface-level relationships, careful not to reveal the struggles beneath your competent exterior. You’ve forgotten what brings you joy because there’s no space for it amidst the proving and performing.

If we were to film your daily life, what would we see? Perhaps we’d catch you smiling in public but crying privately in your car. Saying “I’m fine” while feeling numb or exhausted. Over-functioning and avoiding rest. Tensing when someone offers help. Quickly closing self-help books or browser tabs when someone enters the room.

We might see you making self-deprecating jokes to beat others to the punch, or scrolling enviously through social media, comparing your messy reality to others’ curated personas. We might notice how you avoid eye contact when conversations turn to personal challenges, or change the subject when therapy or personal development is mentioned.

The Cultural Myths That Prevent Us From Seeing Asking for Help as a Sign of Strength

I understand this reality because I’ve lived in it too. That quiet belief that needing help means something’s wrong with you? It runs deep. And it doesn’t just show up out of nowhere. We’ve been steeped in it—through a culture that praises the woman who “has it all together,” who never complains, who pushes through without needing anything or anyone.

Maybe it came from well-meaning voices in your childhood or your faith community—ones that praised you for being “so responsible,” “so easy,” “so strong.” Over time, it started to sound like: The more capable I am, the more lovable I am. The less I need, the more worthy I become.

No one meant harm—but somewhere along the way, silence became strength… and asking for help felt like failure.

This belief persists because we’re comparing our internal struggles to others’ external appearances. It thrives in environments where we lack visible role models who openly discuss their growth journeys. And perhaps most paralyzing is the paradox at its center: we need to acknowledge a problem to address it, but this belief frames that very acknowledgment as failure.

The emotional toll is real: shame, inadequacy, isolation, impostor syndrome, anxiety, and a sense of fundamental defectiveness. These aren’t small feelings—they’re exhausting companions on your journey.

Why Asking for Help Is a Sign of Strength: Reframing the Narrative

I want to pause here and acknowledge something important: if you recognize yourself in what I’m describing, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. In fact, it means you’re part of a vast, unspoken sisterhood of women navigating this same terrain. You are not alone in this. The fact that you’re here, listening, means there’s a part of you reaching toward a different way of being—and that reaching is incredibly brave. You are not defective, you are worthy.

So, where do we go from here? How do we begin to loosen the grip of a belief that has become so intertwined with our identity and daily experience? I want to offer you three tangible shifts that have been transformative in my own journey.

First Shift: Awareness That Asking for Help Is a Sign of Strength, Not Weakness

The first step toward transformation is simply bringing awareness to this belief and recognizing you’re not alone in it. This isn’t about forcing yourself to immediately reject the belief—that approach often creates more resistance. Instead, it’s about gently noticing when this belief is operating in your life. The moment you begin to recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, you create space between yourself and the shame that’s kept you isolated.

I invite you to try this practice: For the next week, carry a small notebook or use the notes app on your phone. When you notice thoughts like “I should be able to handle this alone” or behaviors like hiding your growth resources, simply note it. No judgment, just awareness. You might write: “Felt embarrassed when asked what I was reading (self-improvement book).” Or “Declined help with project even though I’m overwhelmed.”

This simple practice of noticing creates a tiny bit of space between you and the belief. It helps you see that these thoughts and behaviors aren’t random—they’re connected to a specific narrative you’ve inherited or developed over time.

As you collect these observations, you begin to recognize patterns. You might notice certain triggers or situations where this belief speaks loudest. It may be around certain people or in specific domains of your life. This awareness doesn’t immediately change the belief, but it does something powerful: it transforms unconscious patterns into conscious choices.

From Isolation to Connection: Discovering You’re Not Alone When Asking for Help

There’s another layer to this first shift that we can’t ignore—recognizing you’re not the only one.

This belief—that needing help means something is wrong with you—feeds off isolation. It convinces you that everyone else is managing just fine, that other women are stronger, more put together, more naturally capable… and that you’re the only one quietly unraveling.

But here’s the truth: you’re not the outlier. You’re just one of the few brave enough to name what’s really going on.

And the moment you begin to challenge that lie—that everyone else has it together but me—you crack open space for truth to enter. You begin the shift from Invisible Mama, who hides her needs to keep up appearances, to the Utmost Woman, who honors her humanity and dares to connect, even in the mess.

Because strength isn’t silence. And healing doesn’t happen in hiding. It happens when you realize you’re not alone—and you never were.

I encourage you to become a gentle observer of the world around you. Notice how many podcasts, books, and resources exist for personal growth—these wouldn’t exist without millions of people seeking them. Pay attention when someone you respect mentions therapy, coaching, or a helpful book. These small observations begin to counter the narrative that strong, capable people don’t seek support.

If it feels safe, try opening up—just a little. You don’t have to unload your entire story or share your deepest struggles. But maybe you casually mention a podcast that’s been speaking to you… or a book that’s been helping you rethink a few things. These little moments of truth-telling can feel like oxygen. And often, they create space for other women to exhale too. You’ll be surprised how many are quietly navigating the same identity cracks—just waiting for someone else to say, “Me too.”

Reclaiming Support as Strength: The Rise of the Utmost Woman

This is one way we begin to undo the Identity Eraser Effect—those quiet, unnoticed ways we’ve hidden who we are and what we need in order to appear strong, capable, and low-maintenance. But hiding isn’t strength. It’s survival. And you were made for so much more than just surviving.

So what if seeking help isn’t weakness at all?

What if it’s a bold act of reclaiming?

What if it’s the first step in becoming the Utmost Woman—the version of you who knows her worth, lives with intention, and no longer sees support as something to be ashamed of, but as a wise and powerful investment in her future?

Because that’s exactly what it is. And she’s already in you, just waiting for the space to rise.

Second Shift: From Shame to Strategy – Asking for Help as a Sign of Strength

And here’s the real shift: what if asking for help wasn’t a sign that you’re weak or broken… but a wise, intentional investment in the life you actually want? In fact, asking for help is a sign of strength – it demonstrates self-awareness, wisdom, and courage. What if it’s not about fixing yourself, but choosing to care for yourself like someone who matters?

Because you do matter. And learning to receive support might just be one of the strongest things you ever do.

Think about it this way: in what other area of life would we consider it a weakness to learn, grow, or seek expertise? If you wanted to advance in your career, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a course or find a mentor. Working with a trainer or nutritionist is perfectly reasonable if you want to improve your physical health. Yet somehow, when it comes to our emotional health, relationships, or personal development, we’ve accepted this strange idea that seeking guidance reflects poorly on us.

Grounded, Connected, Free: A New Way Forward

I invite you to try this reframing exercise: List three areas where you currently face challenges or would like to grow. For each area, ask yourself: “If this were a professional skill or physical ability, what would strategic investment look like?” Then apply that same thinking to your personal growth.

Let’s say you’re navigating anxiety. Instead of thinking, “Why can’t I just get it together?” or “I should be able to manage my emotions by now,” try shifting the script: “I’m learning how to regulate my emotions—with the support of someone trained to help me do that well.”

See the difference? It’s subtle, but powerful. You’re not surrendering your strength—you’re redirecting it.

This is the shift from shame to strategy. From thinking “I should be able to do this alone” to “I’m choosing support because I value my growth.”

You don’t need to prove your worth—you’re here to honor it.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a reflection of wisdom. You’re not broken—you’re just done carrying the weight alone. You’re ready to rebuild from a stronger, more supported foundation.

The Growth Résumé

Here’s one simple way to embody that shift: create what I call a Growth Résumé. Unlike a traditional résumé that lists achievements, your Growth Résumé tells the story of who you’re becoming. Each entry on your Growth Résumé is evidence that asking for help is a sign of strength. It documents the courage it took to reach out, to be vulnerable, and the growth that resulted.

List the books you’ve read that opened your eyes.
The podcasts that helped you feel less alone.
The brave conversations where you asked for help.
The moments you paused and chose growth over guilt.

It’s a reminder that every step, no matter how small, is part of your transformation. You’re not behind. You’re becoming. And this? This is exactly what a woman living her Utmost Life does; she doesn’t pretend she has it all figured out, she designs her life with truthful, step-by-step intention.

This document shows that seeking support has been valuable in your life. It becomes a resource you can return to when that old belief tries to reassert itself.

Third Shift: Authentic Presence When Asking for Help

The final shift I want to offer today moves from performing strength to practicing presence. At its core, the belief that needing help means you’re broken keeps you in a constant state of performance, trying to maintain an image of capability while hiding any evidence to the contrary. When we truly understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, we can stop performing capability and start practicing authentic presence.

This performance is exhausting. It disconnects you from yourself and others. It prevents the very connection and support that helps you thrive.

The alternative is practicing presence—being honest about where you are, what you need, and what you’re experiencing. This doesn’t mean oversharing or trauma-dumping on everyone you meet. It means developing a healthy relationship with your humanity and allowing yourself to be seen, appropriately and authentically, by others.

Daily Practices to Reinforce That Asking for Help Is a Sign of Strength

Here’s a simple practice to begin this shift: Set a timer for three minutes each morning. During that time, check in with yourself without judgment. Ask: “How am I really doing today? What do I need?” Write down your answers with compassion, as if you were writing to a dear friend.

This practice builds your capacity to be present with yourself first, which is essential before you can authentically share yourself with others. It helps you develop a vocabulary for your experiences and needs—something many of us weren’t taught growing up.

From this place of self-awareness and presence, you can start to experiment with small, honest moments of sharing. It doesn’t have to be a big emotional reveal. Sometimes, it’s just choosing not to say “I’m fine” when you’re clearly not. Maybe it’s telling your spouse, “Today was hard, and I just need a moment to breathe.” Or admitting to a close friend, “Parenting’s been really heavy lately—can I run something by you?”

These small, brave acts of honesty?

They create cracks in the isolation—and let connection flow in.

You don’t need to have the perfect words or a polished story. You just need a moment of truth. That’s how we start reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve tucked away to keep the peace or play the part.

When Receiving Becomes Strength: How the Utmost Woman Rises

Let me give you an image to hold onto—especially in the moments when those old beliefs whisper, “You should be able to do this on your own.”

You’re not a broken vase that needs fixing. You’re a vessel—created on purpose, for purpose. Designed not just to give endlessly, but to receive deeply.

You were never meant to run on empty. The Utmost Woman doesn’t become who she is by pushing through alone—she becomes her by learning how to receive. Support. Truth. Grace. Wisdom. She lets herself be poured into—so she can pour out from a place of strength and alignment, not depletion.

So the next time you feel yourself slipping into old patterns—the overfunctioning, the guilt, the silence—pause and picture this: You, standing tall and open, allowing yourself to receive. Not because you’re failing. But because you’re becoming.

From Coping to Thriving: A New Way Forward

This is what the shift from Invisible Mama to Utmost Woman looks like in real life.

It’s not loud.
It’s not perfect.
But it’s real.
And it’s powerful.

As we begin to wrap up our time together, I am offering some gentle permission for what’s possible when we release this belief that seeking help means we’re broken or weak.

Imagine for a moment what your life might look like if seeking support felt as natural as breathing—neither shameful nor remarkable, just part of being human. Picture the emotional safety you might feel, no longer hiding parts of yourself or your journey. Consider the deeper connections that might form when you allow yourself to be authentically seen.

This shift isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about returning to who you’ve always been beneath the layers of performance and protection. It’s about reclaiming the wisdom that has always lived within you: the knowing that interdependence isn’t weakness; it’s the most natural state of being.

The Surprising Paradox: How Asking for Help Makes You Stronger

When this belief begins to loosen its grip, many women discover a surprising paradox: they actually become more resilient, not less. By allowing themselves to receive support, their internal resources expand. They develop a toolkit of personalized strategies for life’s challenges. They experience more energy because they’re no longer exhausting themselves with the work of hiding and proving.

In relationships, this shift creates space for deeper intimacy and honesty. In parenting, it allows you to model healthy vulnerability and emotional intelligence for your children, perhaps breaking intergenerational patterns. It might mean being willing to delegate, seek coaching, or release over-identification with achievement in your career.

Your health—both physical and emotional—often improves as you address needs earlier rather than waiting for a crisis. Your sense of spiritual connection may deepen as you release the need to appear perfect and embrace your full humanity.

The Ripple Effects of One Brave Choice

I want to invite you into a moment of stillness and visioning. Take a deep breath with me. Now, imagine yourself six months from now, having taken small, consistent steps toward embracing support as strength. Can you feel a difference in your body—more grounded, more at ease? Notice the new possibilities that are unfolding—ones that once felt out of reach. Consider how your relationships have grown—richer, more honest, more connected.
Let yourself fully inhabit this vision for a moment.

This future isn’t a fantasy—it’s available to you through small, courageous choices made day by day. Each time you notice the old belief and choose a different response, you create neural pathways toward this new reality. Each time you allow yourself to receive support, you’re practicing a new way of being in the world.

Remember: this journey isn’t about fixing something broken in you. It’s about returning to a more natural, connected way of being human—one that cultures of individualism and perfectionism have taught us to forget.

From Invisible Mama to Utmost Woman

As we close our time together, I want to leave you with this thought: Perhaps the most significant strength isn’t found in isolated self-sufficiency, but in the courage to be seen, to reach out, and to receive. Asking for help is a sign of strength – perhaps the most profound strength there is. It’s not about having all the answers yourself, but about knowing how to gather the wisdom and support you need for each season of your journey.

True power lies not in having all the answers yourself, but in knowing how to gather the wisdom and support you need for each season of your journey.

If today’s conversation has stirred something in you, I invite you to take one small step. It might be journaling about where this belief came from in your life. It might be sharing this episode with someone who would benefit from this conversation. Or it might be allowing yourself to explore a resource you’ve been drawn to but hesitant to pursue.

Whatever that step is, know that you’re not walking it alone. There’s a community of women right alongside you, learning to embrace support not as a sign of weakness, but as an act of profound self-honor.

Until next time, please move through your week with gentleness toward yourself and more openness to the support that surrounds you. You are worthy of growth, worthy of healing, and worthy of help, not because you’re broken, but because you’re a brilliantly, beautifully human.